My son's training bag

I am not by any means a perfectionist in the strictest sense of the word. I am not one of those people that the psychologists call a “maladaptive perfectionist”. Those people who hold the belief that anything they do, be it work, play or whatever has to be perfect and anything they deem as less than perfect is unacceptable. First off, I don’t think perfection is attainable as there is always room for improvement, even if you believe you have “perfected” something. I’m no shrink but to me perfectionism is a lot like OCD. Perfectionists are obsessed with, well, perfection.

I have striven for the “perfect” kick, the “perfect” cut and other things related to martial arts. But I always realize that even if you execute and land that perfect kick, whether it be against the heavy bag or an opponent, a whole array of different things have to come into play to make that kick “perfect” such as how the opponent is moving or standing, how the heavy bag is still or moving, your own movement and footing and timing. A lot of things that might not be there the exact same way for the next kick even though you throw it just like you did the last time.

The same with tameshigiri (practice or test cutting with a katana or other blade). Sometimes the blade goes through like the target was melted butter. Other times, if your grip and angle of cut is just a tiny bit off, the blade will pass through but you feel the “twist” or torque as the blade passes through and you know you’ve just made a terrible cut. It takes a lot of practice to consistently make the “perfect” cuts. The same is true for the perfect kicks.

So while I am not a perfectionist, I do find myself obsessing over not just the kicks or cuts, but also other things. Especially when things don’t go as I have come to expect them to, like why couldn’t I reach the state of calm during meditation that I did last time? Why did I miss that shot? I was using the same load, same rest, the temperature and humidity are almost identical to what they were yesterday! How did I miss that? Or how in the world did I torque that blade? I’ve made that cut more times than I can count! How did that happen?!

Or with computers, when working for clients I’ve many times run across problems that seem to arise out of nowhere, completely baffling me for a time. I’ve tested and tested the configuration on my test systems yet it wouldn’t work correctly when I got on site. In all these cases, the kicks, the cuts, the target shooting and work, I just step away from the issue for a bit or I will become so irritated that I cannot think clearly which only compounds the problem. Of course while working for a client I can’t just walk away so I step back and begin checking other things so as to give me time to figure out what is going on and yet still be actually working. So far I’ve always been able to come back to the problem and figure out what was going wrong. Usually it turns out to be something I simply did not notice at first and I quickly correct it and make it seem as if it all went off without a glitch.

The real problems that I have found in my own life when it comes to obsessing over “perfection” are the ones that pertain directly to religious matters. Like, “Why can’t I live up to even the most basic principles on a consistent basis?”. That’s where real trouble begins. That’s when I learned a tough lesson. Religious belief can bring peace, calm and a sense of purpose to one’s life. It can also help with the “tough” questions. But it can also do the polar opposite! It can make one completely miserable and in a constant state of feeling guilty, of questioning and doubting. It is times like these that I find I have to distance myself and then after a time completely re-evaluate. I start looking at what is simply tradition and dogma vs what is actually taught. That’s when I find the middle ground again and am OK. But this comes in cycles. I am OK with things until I start falling into the trap of tradition and dogma.

A man whom I respect very much and has been kind enough to help me in times like the ones just mentioned has said that religion, no matter what form it takes, can be a very dangerous and difficult phenomena because it can be used to take advantage of us when we are most vulnerable, and many people have been injured emotionally and spiritually because of religious teachings and practices and by unscrupulous leaders. I agree completely. He has also said that there is no way to calculate the damage done to young psyches by the moralism and dogmatism that some religious groups use, not to mention adding the dose of fear into the mix. I feel fortunate to be able to discuss such matters with him. He is a well known Buddhist scholar, priest and author.

So it really doesn’t matter if it’s something as ultimately trivial as a kick, cut or poomse (martial arts form) or something as serious as religious faith. Perfection is impossible. Sure, there may be the occasional “perfect” cut, kick or form, but to have that perfection consistently and without fail is impossible. It is my belief that it is also complete and utter delusion to expect to be able to live up to the impossibly (impossible in a very literal sense) lofty goals that so many religions set up.

Perfection can be an ideal, a feeling, a dream…. all subjective. But real, objective and concrete (not to mention consistent) perfection is a delusion. Perhaps an illusion as well, but definitely a delusion.

So, I will continue to try for that “perfect” kick, cut, IT solution, and middle ground in religious faith, all the while realizing that real perfection is impossible, but striving to be the best you can be is a good thing. It takes a real load off my shoulders reminding myself that striving to be the best I can be is good, but perfection is not a requirement (unless, of course, one enjoys delusion ).